Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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