I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
