I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
