I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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