ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
