If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
