So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
