Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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