Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
