He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
