I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dicks are not precious.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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