im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
