would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
