Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
