Your mouth is God's brothel.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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