You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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