we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
