I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We are all done wearing pants today
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
