Whod you bang
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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