TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
