I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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