Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
