Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
