Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
