I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
