i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
