Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
