What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
