I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I deserve this hangover.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
