i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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