i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
