Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
