Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
