"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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