You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
