Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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