i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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