we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
