Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
