I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Alive.
So much puke
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
