He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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