i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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