we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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