There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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