when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
