Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
