you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
