Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
