i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
