Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
