i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
