thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
