I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
