How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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