I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
