Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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