Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
