Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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